Thursday, May 27, 2010

Back Among The Living

I am so sorry for letting this blog sit silent for so long, my dear friends. Thank- you to all of the kind people who expressed their concerns for Linda and me, and for sending your blessings as well as showing your support for my simple blog. It really means a great deal to me, more then you will ever know.

I don’t know if I will be able to reconstruct everything that has taken place over the last few months, and not sure that I want to relive most of it. I never really knew what a depression was. I had heard the term and knew others who had suffered through it, but I found out that it is impossible to truly understand the gravity of the situation until I was forced to live through it. I would not wish that experience on my worst enemy.

I don’t want to dwell on the negative but feel I must report on some of it for those who worried about and stuck by me. I am still not fully recovered and am told that it might take months before I feel I have ‘totally recovered’ (if there is such a thing). The broken and sprained bones are healed though I still feel some discomfort and weakness in both wrists at times. It’s the shattered ego that is taking the longest to heal.

mothers dress2I am not comfortable with asking for help. But this injury forced me to rely on others much more that I wanted. Just the simple tasks of dressing, bathing, even going to the bathroom required assistance. My modesty quickly and forcibly disappeared. Having to have one’s wife, mother, or sister wipe your bottom or zip up your pants will reduce even a strong person to tears.

Expressing my feminine side was not of interest for me following my accident. All I wanted to wear was something that was comfortable and easy to slide on and off. I did not feel the least bit feminine. At the hospital the nurses and doctors treated me like the lady I had presented at the ER. I didn’t have to move much so laying there in bed I really didn’t care much for how I was dressed. Linda and Pam made sure that I had feminine clothes available and I checked out of the hospital in a simple button-up the front dress with big sleeves. It was easy to put  on over my cast and bandages so I didn’t complain.

Once home I really didn’t care what I wore because I was on pain pills and slept most of the time. After the second week Linda talked me into dressing more as so prettyBev as well as wearing some make-up (she had to put it on of course). Pam and Mom came by during the day while Linda was working and assisted me. The embarrassment of having them pull up my panties after helping me in the bathroom slowly died away and became just part of the routine. There is more to this part that I will relate later.

I think it was watching others taking care of my housework that really started the depression. I couldn’t help and just had to sit and watch them. I had to inform my clients that I would be taking some time off work because of the accident so I knew that I was not contributing to our financial situation either. These really pushed the depression faster.

More to come soon.

10 comments:

aynalia said...

Glad you're getting back closer to normal. I wish you a speedy recovery in the depression-department. :-)

brianna said...

Very glad to hear you're getting back in the saddle again Bev. Keep reminding yourself that we ALL need help at times in our lives for various reasons. It may also help to focus on the many ways you can serve all those who have helped you now, after you've recovered. i'm sure you're anxious to return the (for lack of a better word) favour and allow them to know how much you appreciated their help. Treat them like Princesses once you are able.

Speedy final recovery! :)

Maid Jaqi said...

Yipppeee!! I am glad you are well enough to type again. I have thought of you often and sent healing energy your way. Here is a BIIGG HUUUGG.

Jaqi

Nycman999 said...

Glad to have you back!!!

liz.romney said...

Dear Beverly,

I had to sign up for an ID so I could say...

So happy to have you back with us Sweetheart!

Of course it might have been me who you wanted to dissuade from commenting on your blog... Ooops sorry.

XO
Liz

PS Can't wait to hear more... was Linda's business trip with "Matthew McConaughey" worth hearing about???

appy said...

Dear Beverly,

I am happy to see you are recovering. Yes, I feared it was more than just the broken bones.

Take could care of yourself.

Hug from

appy

Pretty Sissy Dani said...

Welcome back, Bev...as I told another blogger who is recovering from a major medical trauma, you may have to adjust to having a "new normal" for your life. Don't let it depress you...find your way in this new path.

Suzanne said...

Welcome back....we've missed you. I know my sissy hubby has also!

Sweettie said...

Bev, really glad you're back. how awful to have an injury like that. that feeling of being robbed of the ability to do the things that seem to make you, you. please do take good care of yourself. your blog is always filled with caring and love and adventurousness, we want to hear more from! Sweetie

therealseaweed said...

Bev! Im so glad to hear from you again! You had me so worried! Glad to hear you are on the way to recovery. much love!