It started on Tuesday when I was having trouble getting into the flow of the week. I usually love cleaning and puttering around the house making it look nice. But that day I just couldn’t get into the routine. Nothing was motivating me and I really didn’t care if I had the place in tip-top shape by the time Linda got home. Even knowing that she would be displeased with me wasn’t motivating me.
Then came the meal planning, nothing was sounding good and I really didn’t want to cook. I was really out of sorts and couldn’t get focused. Somehow, I had slipped into a blue funk and nothing was getting me out of it. Also, no one was around that I could call and talk to about my problem. Linda was in meetings at work, my sister, Pam, wasn’t home, even my mother was gone. I had nowhere to turn and no one to help me. So, I just sat in the living room and watched TV. Now I almost never turn on the TV during the day, so this was very unusual for me.
That is where Linda found me when she got home. I tried to explain to her what I was going through, but it was difficult to put it into words. She offered to fix dinner and left me sitting on the sofa as she went to the kitchen. I usually get pretty protective of my kitchen and don’t want anyone messing with it, but that night it barely registered with me.
I wish I could say that having her home snapped me out of it, but it’s almost a week later and I still am struggling. I am forcing myself to try to get back into the routine, but it’s not coming easily.
I am sure that many of you struggle with trying to maintain a particular on-going lifestyle. It’s not all glitz and glamour. Daily life often forces its way into our nirvana and drags us, kicking and screaming, back to reality. I guess I should feel fortunate that I have been able to sustain my dream for as long as I have. It just feels shitty to have it disrupted. I can only hope that this is short-lived.
How do you deal with it?