Monday, November 23, 2009

Off The Reservation

I fucked up, messed up big time, screwed the pooch.. you get the idea. For some reason I rebelled this past week. I temporarily walked away from the wife-led marriage and I really don’t know why.

It started on Tuesday when I was having trouble getting into the flow of the week. I usually love cleaning and puttering around the house making it look nice. But that day I just couldn’t get into the routine. Nothing was motivating me and I really didn’t care if I had the place in tip-top shape by the time Linda got home. Even knowing that she would be displeased with me wasn’t motivating me.

Then came the meal planning, nothing was sounding good and I really didn’t want to cook. I was really out of sorts and couldn’t get focused. Somehow, I had slipped into a blue funk and nothing was getting me out of it. Also, no one was around that I could call and talk to about my problem. Linda was in meetings at work, my sister, Pam, wasn’t home, even my mother was gone. I had nowhere to turn and no one to help me. So, I just sat in the living room and watched TV. Now I almost never turn on the TV during the day, so this was very unusual for me.

That is where Linda found me when she got home. I tried to explain to her what I was going through, but it was difficult to put it into words. She offered to fix dinner and left me sitting on the sofa as she went to the kitchen. I usually get pretty protective of my kitchen and don’t want anyone messing with it, but that night it barely registered with me.

I wish I could say that having her home snapped me out of it, but it’s almost a week later and I still am struggling. I am forcing myself to try to get back into the routine, but it’s not coming easily.

I am sure that many of you struggle with trying to maintain a particular on-going lifestyle. It’s not all glitz and glamour. Daily life often forces its way into our nirvana and drags us, kicking and screaming, back to reality. I guess I should feel fortunate that I have been able to sustain my dream for as long as I have. It just feels shitty to have it disrupted. I can only hope that this is short-lived.

How do you deal with it?

13 comments:

ConTemplate said...

Been there, too. It can be difficult to maintain the thrill as we do the drill. For me, being ignored and denied long enough eventually results in the correction of my attitude and somehow I manage to get back into her good graces.

Hang in there - time will bring about the necessary adjustments.

Anonymous said...

Give Jesse a call. Bet he'd cheer you up.

alan said...

I've spent a lot of the last 18 months that way off and on...usually I go bloghopping, as there isn't much of anyone to talk to here, either, especially about really personal things.

With all that's going on in this world right now, the reasons to "end up in a funk" are myriad and it's hard to keep them outside those magic walls of the home. I hope somehow you "find your joy" again; you've brightened so many of our days so much that I hope Karma returns the favor somehow!

alan

Susan's Pet said...

I face reality: nothing in life lasts forever.

Jeanie Love Jones said...

i'm going through a weird phase myself, but a lil different.
i still managed to shave everything, but my face for whatever reason, and still keeping the house clean. Well today was a day after about three days of neglect.
i think its just a phase.
It comes and goes for me.
i find it somewhat natural.
Its good just to be humble.
Just keep a smile on your face!
:)

xo

ps~i'm thinking its a good idea to find a "sister" to have. One that has a similar lifestyle.
Best wishes!

Marian said...

It's hard to stay in the groove, when things happen in your life.

About all you can do is pick up the pieces and try to get things going again.

Good Luck....

MAM

Anonymous said...

Women have these times dear.... If it helps any, I think you're going thru a very feminine funk. Perhaps it's your time of the month or maybe pre-menopause. Or maybe you just really need a man now and haven't learned to recognize the signs. Why don't you start dressing your very sexiest (not sluttiest) everyday and see how it helps your self-esteem. Also, as ConTemplate noted, no touching yourself - I'm sure horniness will bring you back into full flower eventually. Also your wife can help by setting higher expectations. Her supper should be ready when she comes home. She may need to engage in some activity to maintain your attitude. Talk to your wife, tell her your feelings, take a blog break, see what she decides you need and tell us next week - see you next Tueasday!

Beverly said...

Thanks for the great advice everyone. It's good to know that I am not alone. That really helps.
Bev

Lady Julia said...

Sometimes the guilt and despair people feel about episodes like this contribute to the problem. I think it helps to remember that everyone, not just women, go through "funks". It's not necessarily a bad thing as long as it's addressed. I would want my partner to talk to me about something like this so that I could help them through it.

sub hubby said...

Things change in big ways or small ways - think about it and work with it...You'll be fine.

Liz Romney said...

Dear Beverly,

No one can be at the top of their game all the time. Your blog shows that you've been at the aforementioned top for quite some time, it's only reasonable that you had some kind of break. And the period just past, when you were working like crazy and Beverly was on the back-burner, doesn't count as time away.

Even if you want more time away and without Beverly, you know what's going to happen... pretty soon that ol' black lingerie magic will re-exert it's pull and you, meaning Beverly, will be back.

You'll be OK!

XO
Liz

bdenied said...

damn hard to keep up anything 24/7

sissy gwen said...

Hi Ms. Beverly

What a blog....I'm brand new to it and enjoy every word. What a life you are having....only in my wildest dreams and even my dreams fall way short. I'm sorry but I must ask, is your voice appropriate when dressed??? (it is most likely perfect for the times that you have out) Didyou train it or was your a little higher naturally.???? I know that this is not a problem but some of us have fairly deep voices.

Again, love your stories and things that you both are getting into its so sweet and wonderful.

sissy gwen