Saturday, February 23, 2008

Clean Sweep

It’s kind of funny, at least I could see the humor in it. I was just finishing up cleaning up the kitchen after dinner and had just swept the floor and was loading the dishwasher when Linda asked if she could do anything to help. I asked her if she would mind putting the broom and dustpan away. She grabbed the broom and asked “where does this go?” It had been so long since she had swept (or any cleaning for that matter) that she couldn’t remember where we stored the broom. I had to struggle to keep from laughing. I wonder in how many households this would happen.

And this followed a conversation we had over dinner where she was telling me that she had been talking to a co-worker that day who was complaining that her husband was out of work and home all day, and didn’t lift a finger to do anything. Of course, Linda couldn’t help bragging how not only would I have the house cleaned and laundry done when she got home, but that there would also be a delicious hot meal on the table when she walked in the door.

I have read many blogs dealing with a FLR or WLM where the man wasn’t getting the recognition or satisfaction that he wanted out of the relationship. I totally understand that feeling. It is difficult to make the fantasy a reality and achieve positive feedback needed to keep me going. However, when I hear Linda praising my work and lifestyle decision to others, I feel very good.

When we went out the other night with her friends for a girl’s night out, a good portion of the evening was spent with Pam and Phyllis asking me questions about my being the wife in this relationship as well as me explaining what I got out of the arrangement. Seeing the smile on Linda’s face as I talked to the others was a very satisfying moment. We don’t talk about our lifestyle much to each other, mostly just taking each other for granted. Sometimes it takes an outsider commenting to make appreciate what we have going.

Linda is not a bossy or dominate person so I know I will not be ordered around or disciplined in private or in public. So I have to find other means of receiving positive reinforcement. To ask more of her would be topping from the bottom. Linda would resent that and would pull back from this limited lifestyle. So I have to appreciates the slivers I receive and keep moving forward. That is not always easy to do or accept, but I have asked for this position so I must be content with that outcome. How do you deal?


Anonymous said...

Hi Bev

Can you expand on "positive reinforcement" for me? xxxx

slut suzy said...

Another excellent post Bev, your understanding of the male psyche in a FLR is remarkable. your question 'how do you deal?' is very pertinent indeed, in my own case the answer thus far is a combination of determination, perseverance and an overwhelming desire to succeed!